Guys, today it has officially been one year since I began the Disney College Program. At 11am I checked in, found out where I was working, got all my free stuff, and moved myself into my first apartment with five other girls. Crazy to think of. I have changed so much in such a small year. It seemed like it just flew by and I can’t grasp it still that it’s over.
There were some bad days. There were some good days. There were some inbetween days that I don’t even really remember, to be honest, but I know that every moment that I had in Vista Way and in Orlando, and at WOD….every good, bad, ugly, and beautiful moment that I had made me into the person I am today. And the person I am still striving to be.
Since I have been back, I have gotten a lot of people asking me about my opinions and not really wanting to hear what I have to say. It’s a hard place to be, really. I want to just tell you it was all sunshine and daisies, but it wasn’t. Not all the time. Every once in a while you would have an amazing work day and remember why you were still there amongst the maddness. Other days you wouldn’t get along with your roommates and feel left out. And you’d completely forget the whole reason why you wanted to be a part of the college program in the first place. It’s a lot of questioning for one person in such a short amount of time, and I don’t think anyone ever really tells you that.
Before I left I read this one blog post about all the things that no one ever told you about the Disney College Program. And a lot of it was true, but a lot of it also was a little rose colored glasses version too. Which in all honesty, you are never going to know exactly what your college program is going to be like until you get there, and keep going. It could be the best thing in the entire world, or you may leave the second month you are there. I can’t tell you how it is going to be, because my version and my time there was different that Sally Sue’s or Timmy Tom’s, all I know are my memories and mistakes and regrets. And those I am always willing to share, you just have to remember to take it with a grain of salt. Because I messed up a shit ton down there. I think I needed to, but it did hinder my experience. I can’t blame that on anyone else but myself.
A year later I can still sit here and remember the night that I left my first apartment. And I remember all the stupid things I did and said leading up to that. And as much as I wish I could take them back, I can’t. Do I wish I could still call up my roommates and ask them how their lives are going?
More than anything. Not really more than a day goes by that I don’t send a prayer to them or think about what I could have done differently. But I can’t change what happened. I can only control what happens here and now. And live with my mistakes.
I think that is why I keep telling everyone to wait until they graduate to do the program. Because I was so immature. Still am sometimes, but I was in a transitional stage of my life where I was recovering and relearning how to be okay with being sad and figuring out that talking to people about what I was feeling was okay. I just didn’t do that with my first set of roommates and I regret never sitting down with them and telling them exactly what goes on in my mind when bad things happen. Or asking them to help me remember to take my medication. And that’s on no one else’s shoulders but my own. And that’s just something I had to learn. I just lost friends in the midst of it all.
I wish I could just send them all a message sometimes and apologize for everything. Because I know I did some stuuuuuuupid ass shit. I don’t even want or need a reply. Just for them to know that I take that responsibility for being a dumbass. Which I was. It didn’t help I was homesick, that I missed my boy, that I hadn’t taken my meds for weeks, that I was stressed and upset about work – but all of that could have been helped if I JUST HAD SPOKEN OUT!!!
Please, to anyone reading this and if you are roommates with someone or going to be, make sure you remember to TALK TO THEM!!! It does more harm than good if you just let it boil up inside you. Trust me. Do I believe that I needed to move apartments? Yes. Sometimes you can love people so much, but not be able to live with them. That happens. I wish I could have kept them as friends, because they were amazing and wonderful and talented people. I just effed up.
This whole post isn’t really supposed to be about how much I regret the things I did during the program, but I guess a little bit about me missing what was and what could have been a year ago. But no matter what, I grew. I matured. I found the things that I wanted out of life and I persued them.
Disney Professional Internships,
I’m coming for you next.
And this time –