Oh blog, how I’ve missed you. Things thus far have remained generally the same, with work and classes and occasionally being at the apartment, but as much as the physical aspects are stationary, my psychological status is ever changing. And in a good way. I think when you embark on a huge change, like living states away from everything you know, a person is bound to change some.
In a lot of my posts a say over and over how much I have grown through this experience and as much as that is true, the one thing I notice the most is how much I have matured through this experience. That isn’t to say that I’d be making Peter Pan sad and grow up, but rather that I see life in a different way. It’s tough to explain but I will try my best.
I think when I first got accepted into this program, I was still seeing the world like a movie. At college I wasn’t tied down and I was ‘playing the field’ and by saying ‘playing’ I really was. I was having that typical college experience, and while yes, it was fun – it wasn’t exactly practical. In the slightest. I passed my classes, but I know now that I could have done so much better. I had friends, and honestly those friends are still checking up on me and care about my well being, but I didn’t appreciate them much while I was there. I had this notion in my head that the girls I was going to live with were going to end up as my life long friends and future bridesmaids. Everything that I had imagined was in this movie perspective and completely oblivious to what reality really was made of.
Though, now that I’m here, I get what I did wrong my freshman year. Yeah, I made sure to go out and have fun, but unlike how the movies project, that’s not how you accomplish college. I appreciate my friends back home more than ever and miss them terribly. Hell, I miss the annoying parts! I realized that these girls here are going to be roommates and that is all they are going to end up being. And that is completely okay. People that you meet online and talk with are different online and in texting than they are in real life. Sometimes you get lucky and they really are the exact same and you love them the exact same. Sometimes not, and it’s not a bad thing, it’s just a personality conflict. Which, in reality, it happens and you just have to learn how to co-exist with one another. On the uphand though, I can not wait to go home to my college friends again and have them surround me. Those are the people I want to be around.
Then there was the thought of future career. In this area I think I was too much of an idealist in what I thought the company was. In no way am I trying to downplay the Disney company or dis it in any way, what I am saying is that, contrary to what I used to believe, the corporate and stationary fields of work within the company aren’t all sunshine and daisies. Most importantly, I discovered that working for Disney and living in Florida isn’t what I wanted out of life. So what is?
Ever since I was little I wanted to be a princess, or a singer, or a dancer, or an actress and as true as those still remain, I have a definitive touch with reality now, and I have to think long term and monetary futures for myself and my future family. Ugh….family. As weird as it sounds, in a few years I’ll be married and getting on with kids. I’m twenty now. These things generally happen in mid to late twenties. So now I actually have to think of them. So I thought long and hard of something that would provide for my family, allow me to see them, but also give me some of the aspects that I love most about being down here.
I love acting, being able to be the person that people want to talk to when I’m at work. Besides doing theater, there is one other profession that I have found is kind of like acting all the time.
My parents are both teachers. My mom, an elementary education major with a language arts thingy that I haven’t really gotten to understand, and my dad who is a music education teacher. Obviously, I’ve seen them both in action as I’ve grown up and for a while there, I also thought about teaching. And I also thought about music education. As much as I love music and want it to be a part of my life and my future family’s life, the profession is dying out and unfortunately, where I go to school, the program associated with the major isn’t exactly fantastic (not that it won’t be in the future, I just want to be able to finish my degree in four years). So I am left with either elementary or secondary education. I love children, as I have noticed whilst working here, but I also noticed that I can’t necessarily carry a conversation with them. However, 7th and 8th graders I can. AND! I wouldn’t have to teach math. Or science…. HUZZAH! So, this morning actually, I finally decided on secondary education with the concentration in English/Language Arts. And by golly hopefully I stick with it.
So already I’ve learned this much about what I want to do with my life, who I want to spend it with, and where I want to spend it. It’s as if everything I thought I had planned out before is completely wrong. It’s overwhelming at times, but I believe it is necessary for my growth as a human being. Being a teacher just feels like its what I am meant to do, even though I had that trouble of figuring out what grade and what subject. I just knew that it was meant for me. And I have summers off, so maybe if I keep spending money wisely like I have, I can come down to Disney, and still have those magical memories. Just because I’m maturing doesn’t mean I’m growing up. It’s a process. I’m just a smarter kid now, who knows what she’s ready to do in life. And who is a helluva lot better at being monetarily frugal.
I am a healthier me by doing this program. And I know I whined and complained earlier, but talking to the other participants that I work with, they ALL went through that phase. So I’m normal. And anyone who ever thought that I wasn’t strong enough to do this can suck my Mickey Lollipop! I still have this on my record. I still will have the memories with the people I work with. I will still know never to trust people you meet online. And I, above all, have finally grasped the pure understanding of family.
I appreciate my family more than I ever have before, and it’s probably because I’m not with them that I do. I have more understanding in the care and concern they have shown me for the past 20 years and I pity my past self for not realizing what they did, they did out of love and respect for me. For this me today. Yes, they can be crazy. Yes, they can be annoying as all hell. But I love them. And I miss them every day. And I am so grateful for them being the people who backed me up through all of this madness in the apartment and in work and in be figuring out who I am. They’ve stuck by me. And I couldn’t be more thankful to have them. The family I talk about isn’t just my blood family, but my friends back home, Noah and his loving and accepting family, and that crazy Marian Band and Knight Fusion. To be back with them is what I want most. To show them how much they have made me me. To make them proud.
But then again, I’ve made myself proud already.
And I’m just getting started.